I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
