Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
is that a dick in a sweater?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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