I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm both gender and math confused
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
