talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
