I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
