There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
