I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
