cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
