we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
