Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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