After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
