I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
