I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
