hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
