Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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