Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
