Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
