Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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