btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Randomize
