Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
