we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
