She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
