I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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