When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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