i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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