the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
