No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
