do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
