im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
