Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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