Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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