My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
