I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
