CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
