She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
