You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
