some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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