Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
