Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
