I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
