6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
