My sheets look like a crime scene.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
