i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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