Umm I'm too high to move.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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