i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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