Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
