i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
