I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
