Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
