i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
