Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
